PO Box 7754
And this one feels just like light and magic. So excited to make this happen. I guess this feeling means I've grown in the last year, eh?
Each time I share this, it feels exactly liketelling someone I have a crush on them for the first time, with my eyes closed as tightly as possible and my arms open so wide...and not being sure what the other person will say. Sometimes, this sort of inclination leads me to hide under the covers and pull my knees to my chin.
instead, I am keeping up with the ask, the gratitude, the vulnerability.
The assertion that I can't draw isn't holding up very well these days.
I still hold it, though.
It's almost my birthday.
Yesterday, I got a new freelance job as the entertainment editor at this magazine.
Last month, I launched a supper club called Tin Roof Dinners.
I'm thinking a lot about how the lack of movement/circus and the lack of eroticism in my life are affecting my confidence and my identity. It's a real thing.
Alphabet City got a little grant so we can teach a book arts course in the coming Autumn (march/april)
I somehow believe I can go to San Francisco next week. The longing is tangible.
Damn, do i love new zealand birdlife! Tui sounds, the best!
2011 was a monumental year for me. The last year of my 20s, opening a community art space, mail art 365, and travel in 5 countries--new zealand, singapore, australia, japan, thailand. My resolutions were creativity, vulnerability and circus. I feel i did pretty ok on the first two, but the third one still needs a great deal of work.
From Boxing day 2010 to Boxing day 2011, I made a piece of mail art every day. I don't know another time in my life when I did something creative everyday for such an extended period of time. Now, in the new year, I feel that I need to find another way of sustaining creativity and motivation. Maybe once the jetlag and head cold disappear.... anyway, here's the year in review!
Keeli moved to nz and stayed with us in our tiny house all month. We all had lots of adventures. Moira & i found our new living space, and I started to bake lots of bread. I volunteered once a week for Ooooby in exchange for a box of vegetables.
We packed up all our things and I made more bread. also, cookie faery and lantern festival. Wrote reviews for Auckland Fringe Festival.
moved into alphabet city, started to make a home and an art space. i went to the bay of islands and flew in a tiny plane. keeli moved back in after several weeks away.
more set up, new press materials, lots of yummy food baked.
Melbourne and Rotorua. Came back from MEL feeling down on Auckland and started to get the winter blues big time. Our house is really drafty and I was not prepared for what winter would be like in NZ, esp. when looking/reading/seeing so much fun happening in my American friends' spring and summer
We opened! and yet, i was really sad and lonely. Winter was hitting me hard.
Zine library, newspaper articles, zine fest events, and kitty kitty meow meow, our first foster kitty. I think this was the month Keeli moved to Hamilton. I started to work for pay for Ooooby, who i had just been volunteering for, previously.
We went to Thailand and briefly, to singapore. I was still lonely in NZ, but feeling better about it after knowing that travel was a real possibility and a way for me to feel less isolated. Really enjoyed spending quality holiday time with my girlfriend. 2 year anniversary.
warmer weather meant feeling better about Auckland and getting excited about new things, new friends, rugby world cup. Cooked more and more Thai food. Spent a lot of time missing nevers
Bought tUnE-yArDs tickets (was totally obsessed with band all year long) and our house was set on fire. Reading more and more books. I learned some new things and we got a new foster kitty (who, for better or worse, I haven't bonded with as much as kitty kitty meow meow)
turned 30, out of town guests, art auction to raise money for my immigration, met john waters, letterpress printing projects
letterpress printing, xmas tree, and both Moira and I quit our jobs (she has a new job, i don't yet). Oh, and surprise trip to Tokyo! $600 NZD (about $450USD) RT tickets showed up on the 15th, with set dates of the 21 or 22 - 31. We (+ keeli) jumped at the opportunity.
as always, more evidence available on flickr
Someone listed a school desk on freecycle recently. And I didn't go after it. The next morning, I regretted it because it was gone. I had spent the time before checking the board imagining moving things around in the bedroom so that I could have a space upstairs to write letters/journal and maybe sew this or that. Right now, when I imagine sewing, I imagine doing it in our lounge.
But the lounge? Well, it's actually too cold to spend time in it at the moment. This building is old and drafty wood, lots of ways for the cold air to get in. Outside, it's warming up quite a bit. I picked cherry blossoms off of a tree in the domain and put them in an Agee jar on the kitchen windowsill. Imagine this: the upward curve of a branch and a morning cup of coffee.
But back to this desk....because it took me somewhere else. It took me back to a corner of a brooklyn apartment where no one I know currently lives. And then somewhere else. Then somewhere else. And then the memory of an idea of tattoos that you smell not see. (hauntings? memories? connect-the-dots)
These are all fragments of bigger thoughts. I need a space in my room where I can have a chair and my journal waiting. I feel myself overflowing, and then emptying out onto nothing--these ideas and rambles (bushes, brambles) end up no where. I want thoughts for myself and my papers. These thoughts can then turn into art and creation and upsdiedown motions. I feel like all is connected and all is needed.
I'll keep watching freecycle. Something will surely come up again.
I'm so afraid of drawing.
what if i am bad at it?
Maybe even *more* terrifying...
what if i am good at it?
The day after tomorrow, I'm going to thailand. I will have to seal my heart strong and tight for I know I will see animals suffering. I need to keep myself open to wonder even in cases where some aspects of somethings will make me feel hopeless.
elephant elephant elephant.